To say the last few months have been the most interesting and intense of my whole life would be the biggest understatement I’ve ever made, and if you know me you are very much aware of how long-winded I am. A perfect example is the sentence you just read.
I won’t get into the boring details but i will briefly summarize what has been going on and how 3 minutes this past friday made me as happy as I have ever been in my life.
I finished an incredible European tour with Richie Kotzen and Dan Pearson the first week of December. Originally I had planned going straight to Europe to Venezuela, visit my parents for 3 weeks, the usual length of my yearly visit, and I was supposed to return to California. Due to numerous issues those 3 weeks turned in 3 months. Months that were incredibly great and painfully long and all in all the bittersweet nature of the day to day uncertainty was extremely hard for me to deal with, even with all my positive thinking, self confidence and optimism. I know that within itself sounds like a contradiction but I will explain.
Being with my parents is never ever a bad thing, lets start and finish right there. No matter what the circumstances are, getting to see my family (except my gorgeous sister who is pregnant ❤ – she lives in Oregon ) every day makes me feel the happiest I can be. My father and my mom are truly my best friends and I couldn’t be closer to them. As individuals they are some of the most fascinating people I have ever met and will ever have the chance to interact with and I feel endless amounts of pride saying I know them, let alone be their son. I’m sure they are reading this so please stop crying…. seriously mom stop.
I moved to Boston in 2000 and since that year, the most amount of time i’ve spent in Caracas was a month tops. In previous posts i’ve written about belonging, getting used to life back and forth and how much the amount of time you spend in one place has to do with all that. Although I didn’t dial in back into what my life would be if I lived in Caracas it got to a point where I had routine, if you can call it that, and the fact that I didn’t have a set return date was getting to me and quite frankly f*cking with my head.
In music the sayin: “out of sight, out of mind” couldn’t apply more and its natural to think I was anxious to say the least. I felt helpless but never hopeless (great H20 song btw “helpless not hopeless”). I thought I could lose private students, gigs, recordings, meeting people in the industry, you name it… things I never thought about were going through my head. I am an extremely positive person and I always look at things that way and If i didn’t think this way I would probably be living under a bridge right now haha. Honestly though I can’t pretend I was emotion-less… it was taxing on me and I think my parents and friends knew exactly how frustrated I was.
Yes my parents created a life for me in Venezuela but I definitely created my life here in Los Angeles and the fact that I am writing this from this zip code is something I cannot put into words, but you better believe I will try. Life is full of ups and downs, etc (insert generic description here _______) and I can only say that I am grateful to my family and friends for helping me keep my head up. I never stopped visualizing returning to see my students, friends, artists I work with and of course coming back to see School Of Rock kids melt faces and no blog of mine would be complete without a mention of SOR.
I had been back for 5 days and still felt weird, didn’t know for sure where I was geographically and emotionally to be honest. Last friday a band formed by students of mine, called The Blacktop Saints were performing at the world famous ROXY on Sunset Boulevard. I love all the kids in the band and while they formed while I was on tour I was up to date with every song they wrote, videos on youtube, etc. I always like a song called “Blue Room” and, i know this sounds sooooo freaking corny, there were times when I was in my room in Caracas, frustrated, anxious and straight up blue, and that song (at least the chorus) made perfect sense to me.
At the show they dedicated that song to me and in that instant watching them perform I felt the world stopped. I cannot explain it and i’ve read about it in poems, seen ii in movies and all kinds of stories, but i’m telling you guys, time stopped. I felt validated, I felt i had overcome so much shit that this was a slap in the face, to wake up, realize where I was and to GO FOR IT… whatever that is. I want to thank Soraya, Waylon, Chris, Jacob and their amazing parents for an unforgettable 4 minutes that I don’t doubt I will remember forever.
There can be no fear, no doubt, no second thoughts… we must go all out for what we love, for what we need, for what we want specially if we know deep inside its worth it…. love, music, health, spirituality, a future wife, etc …. the only wrong question is the one you don’t ask, the worst decisions are the ones we don’t dare to make.